Caroline Cranshaw: What you should know if you're curious about Tantric love making

Publish Date
Thursday, 22 February 2018, 10:30AM

*Warning: This article contains sexually graphic descriptions*

Tantra is an ancient Hindu practice that is over 5,000 years old. Tantric sex is a practice that's said to increase intimacy, strengthen relationships and create a mind-body connection that can lead to powerful orgasms.

Tantra, originally a Sanskrit word, means "woven together." Sexual Tantra is a sacred form of sexuality in which a couple shares a slow, non-orgasmic connection to experience sexual bliss. Buddhist meditation practitioners use the sexual union as a metaphor for weaving the physical together with the spiritual. Weaving man to woman, and both to the divine. You and your partner can explore Tantric sex, which can be a fun, erotic experience for you both. It is important to remember the purpose is to become more spiritually enlightened, so you can both extend foreplay, experience more pleasure and develop the ability for an extended orgasm.

Tantric sex - or Tantra as it's often known - can be done by anyone interested in rebooting their sex life and finding a new depth to their love-making. If that sounds confusing, think of it this way - if a quickie is the sexual equivalent of fast food, tantric sex is a gourmet seven-course degustation meal, slowly and lovingly prepared and all the more delicious thanks to the time and care put into it.

Tantric experts believe that if you extend the time and effort you put into sex, you will reach a higher and more intense form of ecstasy.

Tantric Sex Is Good for You If ...

  • You're looking for something new to do in bed
  • You want to become even more intimate with your partner
  • If you or your partner are having sexual issues
  • You want to try to reconnect with your partner

How to Perform Tantric Sex

The good news is Tantric sex isn't goal oriented, which means you don't have to work hard at learning what to do. The key is to take your mind off your orgasm and instead focus on making foreplay enjoyable and rewarding until you're ready to take it to its natural end. This is easier said than done, of course, so to delay orgasm Tantric sex experts use a variety of methods including meditative techniques, breath control and massage.

Tantric Sex: What to Do

Here Is An Introductory Tantric Exercise:

Hand on Heart – Sit comfortably, cross-legged, face your partner and gaze deeply into each other’s eyes. Eyes are windows to the soul - so you are gazing into your lover’s soul, and they into yours. Each of you places your right hand on your partner's heart and your left hand on top of your partner's right hand. Tune in to your physical heart first, and then the emotion and energy of your heart. Can you sense your heartbeat? How does your heart feel? Peaceful? Expansive and open? Shut down? Fluttery? Notice what you can sense about your lover’s heart.

Close your eyes and focus on the connection between your partner's hand and your heart, or you can continue to gaze into each other's eyes. Next, synchronise your breathing: breathe in together, exhale together. Then move into a breath exchange: you inhale when they exhale, then exhale when they inhale, as though you’re breathing each other. Practice this for as long as it feels comfortable.

Give A Lingam or Yoni Massage - Lingam is an ancient tantric term used to describe the penis which means "Wand of Light". The vagina is called yoni in Sanskrit and translates to "a sacred space." Giving an intimate massage to your lover is a fantastic way to connect and show your love. Have your partner take a warm bath or shower and place towels down on the bed. Heat up the room if necessary, play relaxing music and light candles to set the mood.

The receiver lies down on their tummy and relaxes. Start massaging your way up from the feet using coconut oil or almond oil. Using both of your hands to massage the receiver’s legs, inner thighs and hips, moving up to the buttocks, lower back and then all the way up to the shoulders. Spend some time around their neck, as well to help them fully relax.

Next, have the receiver turn onto their back, have enough pillows (under their head & knees if they want) to keep them as comfortable as possible. As the giver, make sure you are feeling comfortable as well. If you’re feeling uneasy, the receiver will find it harder to relax.

Start again at the legs, working your way up, not touching the genitals at the beginning, sometimes stroking them in the flow but not directly. Once you feel that the receiver is fully relaxed and present (reminding them to breathe), move to the next step. With one hand holding their genitals, and place the other hand on the heart of your lover. Imagine you are connecting both areas with each other.

Pour enough coconut or almond oil over the receiver’s intimate area and start massaging as if you were worshipping a sacred object. You can find instructions for this on YouTube or even some of the more "adult" websites. Remember orgasm is not the end goal, this is about pleasure, relaxing, and circulating sexual energy around the body.

The Yab-Yum - The man (or masculine energy partner) sits cross-legged, and the woman (or feminine energy partner) sits straddling him, crossing her ankles behind his back. To start, try this position fully clothed. This upright sitting position connects the partners' hearts and energy centres together. It allows them to breathe each other's breath and either touch their foreheads together or gaze into each other's eyes. The yab-yum is considered the classic position for Tantric sex.

To take this intimate practice into sexual Tantra, try it again but with your clothes off. One partner sitting on their lover’s lap, face to face, and wrapping their legs around their partner’s waist. Moving from the breath exchange into kissing and caressing. In time, begin to slowly make love. Through the practice of Tantra, you can develop the ability to have whole body extended orgasms, where you can remain at the peak of ecstatic pleasure for extended periods of time. Experiencing this type of pleasure with your partner leads to a profound sexual and emotional connection. And what couple wouldn't benefit from that?

Caroline Cranshaw is a hypnotherapist, founder and trainer at the New Zealand Integrative Hypnotherapy Training Institute and the author of The Smoking Cure. Find out more about her at