IT'S ALIVE! A Real Life Frankenstein?

Publish Date
Wednesday, 21 September 2016, 2:00PM

IT’S ALIVE!  (Maybe… and also eeeeewwww…!)

In your generation, did you EVER think you’d hear of a real life Frankenstein?

Italy is, fingers crossed, about to proclaim the words “It’s aliiive!”

Turns out an Italian Neuroscientist has balls of steel as he’s attempting to fund and perform the first ever HEAD TRANSPLANT from a living, breathing dude called Valery Spiridonov who suffers from a usually fatal, disorder “that wastes away muscles and kills motor neurons—nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord that help move the body.”

So Valery who is only 31, by the way, has offered to give up his failing, severely damaged and crippled body in favour of a brand new one from a brain-dead organ donor.  They will both be cryogenically frozen, and they’ll go on to perform a very complex game of Mr Potato Head and hope Valery doesn’t wake up as a potato.

The surgeon who wants to play Doctor Frankenstein is a bit of a loose unit if you go by what the press has said.

He’s claimed to have performed the surgery on a monkey and a bunch of rats and mice successfully and says that he’s looking for funding from techie nerds like Facebook creator Mark Zuckerburg for the procedure which will cost somewhere between $10 million and $100 million…

This guy, coincidentally, has also been in the news before after writing a book on how to seduce women, so he’s a little bit Count Dracula too….

How it happens… the following might churn up your breakfast… be warned…  

A custom-made crane would be used to manoeuvre Spiridonov’s head – hanging by Velcro straps – onto the donor body’s neck. The two ends of the spinal cord would then be fused together using a chemical cocktail which has been shown to promote regrowth of cells that make up the spinal cord.

The muscles and blood supply from the donor body would then be joined with Spiridonov’s head, and he would be kept in a coma for three to four weeks to prevent movement as he healed. Implanted electrodes would be used to stimulate the spinal cord to strengthen new nerve connections ala Frankentein….

James & Liv’s useful puns when retelling the story round the water cooler:

How to get the perfect beach body in only three weeks…

This story… I can’t get my head around it

Man, the surgeons are going to have a real headache

Planning something like this must be such a pain in the neck

Italian scientists… always ahead of the game…

How’s the donor body though? When he found out he must have gone off his head

Hey, you look like somebody else…

He’ll finally have somebody to love…

We’re sorry…