Author's controversial list on 'how to not be a d***head parent' has everyone riled up

Publish Date
Tuesday, 11 September 2018, 12:30PM

Parenting can be a hard job and it’s sometimes hard to know if you’re doing it right.

One Australia author, Kate Foster, has thrown down the parenting gauntlet with a list of rules she has entitled "How To Not Be A D***head Parent".

The list has left the internet well and truly divided, with her list of dos and don’ts including rules like not telling your kids not to try drugs or for parents to never go on holidays without them.

However, Kate has also been praised for her post’s brutal honesty and while not all parents agree with her entire list, there are definitely some gems.

The lengthy list posted on Kate’s website is comprised of 29 rules also had some lighter hearted suggestions like teaching your kids to laugh at themselves instead of others or to ask them about the pop culture references you don’t understand.

"All of this comes from my learnings, the children who have passed through my doors looking for help for their life issues, and their home life," Kate wrote in the blog post, "These are the things that stick."

Check out her rules for not being a d***head parent here:

  1. Don't be a Tiger Parent. Don't demand they practise until they hate the thing they're learning.
  2. Don't push them at school. Get them to pass and teach work ethic.
  3. Don't go away on holidays for weeks on end and leave them behind. They remember.
  4. Don't lecture your kids about not drinking when you drink every night in front of them.
  5. Don't tell your kids to not try drugs. They will. You can't stop them. Educate them about safe choices instead.
  6. Tell them to have sex when they're ready when they feel really okay with it, and not before.
  7. Teach them to laugh at themselves more than they laugh at others.
  8. Teach them self-awareness. Really. Stop with the selfies so much kiddo.
  9. Don't worry about the Grade 2 teacher. Ten years later and you won't remember their name.
  10. Help your kid find out what they're good at and build their interests and co-curricular activity around that.
  11. Ask them to try a food 10 times before they decide they hate it.
  12. Ask them to wait six months before they give up the instrument they are learning. If they still loathe it, then it's gone.
  13. Being a kind person will get them further socially, than being smart.
  14. Tell them you enjoy parenting them, often and always. Don't make them feel like sh*t for being born. That was your decision, not theirs.
  15. Don't pay for them to go to a private school and then make them feel guilty about the fees. Again, that was your decision.
  16. Don't tell them you need "grown-up time." That's a sh*tty thing to say. Find grown-up time. You're a grown up.
  17. Answer every question as honestly as you can. Children remember the lies.
  18. Don't live through them. Let them shine on their own terms.
  19. Work. Especially if you're a woman. Show your children you are capable and able to earn your own money and that women contribute to the world also.
  20. Spending quantity time with them is more important than quality time.
  21. Tell them you love them, even when you don't like their behaviour.
  22. Saying no is good when it is going to protect them from themselves. 
  23. Don't f**k around with mental health. Remind them that there isn't a problem in the world that can't be solved and that everything passes.
  24. Ask them about pop culture and things you don't get. Find out about their lives and what is in it. Don't dismiss it because you don't get it.  
  25. Laugh at yourself and often. 
  26. Say sorry for when you are a sh*t parent. It matters to them. It also teaches them how to apologise to others.
  27. Don't tell your kids they owe you because you feed and clothe them. You're supposed to do that, you absolute idiot. You don't get respect for doing the bare minimum!
  28. If your kid hates you, you caused that. Sorry, but you did. Sort it out, now!
  29. Don't invalidate their feelings. To not have your feelings heard and recognised is a form of child abuse. If they are upset, acknowledge it first, then respond.

Click here to read Kate Foster's full blog post