An introvert's Christmas survival guide

The festive season presents the introvert with a grisly set of challenges. Here's how to survive with your self-esteem intact and all social obligations minimally met.

Ho Ho No!

Present shopping. Ideally this will all be done online. But even the most disciplined online shopper will forget to buy wrapping paper, requiring a trip to the mall in December - the Valley of Death for any self-respecting introvert.

Fly solo. The first rule is to go alone. If you take a friend, separation is inevitable. You may spot your friend a few metres away but, as an introvert, you will be incapable of shouting their name in public. Like many remote Amazonian tribespeople, introverts agree that the best way to get someone's attention in a mall is by silently blowing a poison dart at their neck. The sensory deprivation that follows is brief and harmless. Think of it as a coffee break with extra writhing.

Go low-tech. Avoid the automated check-out. It is a false friend to the introvert. Hoping to skip any human contact? Think again: the inevitable Unidentified Item In Bagging Area will leave you standing by a flashing light while blushing and feeling guilty. Not to mention the flood of bad feelings about being an Unidentified Item In Bagging Area all through high school and beyond.

Small talk. Daunting for many introverts, but the solution is surprisingly easy. Just ask a lot of questions. Don't fall back on boring ones like "What do you do?" though. Everyone loves to talk about themselves, so try something more personal. "Why do you feel so alone?" is a great starting point for anyone who is more than half a bottle of wine into Christmas Day.

How long am I stuck here? The prospect of a long day or evening of meaningless festive chat can feel like an unfurling red carpet to introvert hell. Give yourself a boost pre-party by planning exactly when you'll leave. Party kicks off at 8pm? Promise yourself to make a real effort to circulate and meet fun new people until your taxi arrives at 8.07pm.

Read the full story with more advice for introverts on the NZ Herald.