Couples therapists reveals how to save your relationship in eight dates

Relationship experts have revealed how to keep the spark alive in eight simple steps.

Psychologists John and Julie Schwartz Gottman who have been married for 30 years have helped thousands of couples save their marriages - and claim they can predict within 10 minutes whether they will stay together, with 94 per cent accuracy.

In their new book "Eight Dates: To keep your relationship happy, thriving and lasting," they shared details on exactly how you can revive your relationship by ensuring you make time to reconnect.

In an interview with Red magazine, they shared tips and tricks on getting your relationship back on track.

Date 1: Renew your commitment to each other and the relationship

Declarations of commitment often only happen once in the form of legal papers, but declaring your allegiance doesn't just need to be on paper and will re-cement your connection.

Discuss why and what you love about your partner - this will build trust and strengthen your bond.

It will also make you both feel valued and remind you what attracted you to each other and why you are together.

Date 2: Address difficult topics

This should be a productive discussion without confrontation or accusation - the goal is to help understand each other better and work out a way forward without letting any resentment fester.

Do this while going for a walk together and holding hands to help create intimacy and make you feel you are on the same path.

Date 3: Relight the fire

A commonly listed reason for the failure of marriages is a decline in sex, with this being the first area to suffer when life gets busy and routine sets in.

Maintaining physical intimacy as well as mental intimacy is vital for a long-lasting relationship, and couples are advised to talk openly about what they would like from their partner.

Date 4: Talk about money

Money is one of the top five reasons listed for the breakdown of relationships, and to avoid this couples should discuss it openly.

Couples are advised to discuss their financial plans, worries and expectations and to avoid comparing their work to that of their partner.

Date 5: Discuss family planning

The experts found that 67 per cent of couples who had a child in the first four years of marriage experienced a drop in marital happiness.

They recommend discussing your childhood with your partner, what you want from family life, and what values are important to you when raising your child.

Date 6: Have fun

John and Julie believe couples who play together, stay together, and you should think back to the most fun you had when you began dating, and how you can recreate it.

Couples should come up with three date ideas of adventurous things they haven't done since the start of the relationship.

Date 7: Create shared rituals

Create a special regular ritual just between the two of you, this can be sharing a kiss every morning, lighting a candle at dinner or another shared routine.

Date 8: Plan the future

Dreaming and planning a shared future creates a shared desire and bond, while ditching your dreams can lead to resentment.

Go to a place that inspires you and create a plan or dream together that will inspire you and give you a common goal.

This article was first published on the NZ Herald and is republished here with permission.

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