- Publish Date
- Tuesday, 26 September 2017, 2:30PM
You've just finished making love to your partner. Job done, right?
Too often men can fall into the trap that they think the intimacy is over after a steamy interaction with your better half.
I've got news for you, men. Your loved one doesn't want to be lying there by herself feeling ignored.
Sex with your partner is not just the physical act, but it includes the build-up, the act, and the intimacy post-sex.
So with this in mind, here are 10 things you should and shouldn't do following a romantic rendezvous with your spouse.
WHAT YOU SHOULDN'T DO
Immediately fall asleep:
After you've finished it's natural to feel sleepy, but according to Best Life's Dave Zinczenko: "Men go to sleep because women don't turn into a pizza."
Your best move is to give your partner the attention she or he deserves.
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Turning on the TV:
"Turning on the TV or picking up your phone will leave her feeling abandoned and make her feel unimportant to you," says Certified Sex Therapist and Advanced Imago Relationship Therapist Deborah Fox.
"By having sex with you, a woman has made herself vulnerable. If you disconnect, you'll leave her feeling unsafe and insecure."
Even if the All Blacks game is on, have the game on record so you can prioritise your better half over rugby, making her feel especially important.
Be physically distant:
If you keep a physical distance from your partner after sex, it likely won't go unnoticed. "Staying connected is very important to a woman," says Deborah Fox. "If you don't touch, cuddle, say complimentary things to her, she's likely to withdraw. Sex isn't an event for her that ends in orgasm." So it shouldn't be for you either.
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Divulge information she should have known before:
Women are vulnerable following sex, so dropping news that she should already have known could leave her feeling you aren't trustworthy, honest or open. Nothing says awkward than dropping a bomb after the fact. She may also feel used, betrayed and angry.
Ask her to leave:
You may have a perfectly good reason as to why he or she can't stay over. But it's best to disclose that information before they come over. There is nothing worse than telling your partner they have to leave after sex and watching them make a mad dash either to their car or on the late bus with makeup smeared across their face.
If you aren't up for spending the entire night together, manage expectations and tell her what's going on with you.
WHAT YOU SHOULD DO
Cuddling can be a part of connecting with your partner emotionally after sex but there are plenty of other things you can do to keep the good vibes rolling long after the main event has come to an end. You can look into each other's eyes, synchronise your breathing, make out like teenagers or express your feelings toward her. "It's especially important to stay physically and emotionally present with a woman after sex," says Fox. "Women have made themselves vulnerable to you simply by having sex. Staying connected makes her feel safe and secure."
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Keep pleasing her physically:
You're finished but your partner might still be left wanting more. Show your partner you're eager and thinking of their needs. Letting your better half know you're willing to stay the course will relax them and make them feel loved. And hey, they could give you a little extra in the future!
It might feel strange, but talking about what just unfolded can provide valuable pointers for both parties. Tell them what you loved, ask them what was good for them and bask in the glory of the greatness that had just unfolded. Equally, it's a time where you can talk about how to better satisfy each other which could lead to even better sex down the track. Complimenting, addressing what you like and don't like and discussing each other's needs will benefit the relationship not just physically but emotionally.
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Not only do you lessen your chances of an STI but together you can have a relaxing yet intimate post-sex experience. It's a nice way to come down after your high and it leaves both of you feeling connected as well as clean.
It shows you care about their space and it saves them a job later on once you go home. "Tidying up demonstrates you feel equally responsible for what you do together," Fox said.
This article was first published on NZ Herald and is republished here with permission.