Sexologist: Five sex tips for busy, tired couples

Publish Date
Wednesday, 14 June 2017, 2:18PM
Photo / Getty Images

Photo / Getty Images

Sometimes after a long day, having sex is the absolute last thing you want to do before putting your head down on your pillow for a good nights sleep.

Even if you can be bothered getting things started in the bedroom, it may not be that satisfying for either partner as you rush to the finish in order to get some sleep.

Morning sex is less common, with most busy couples waking up in a rush to get out the door or preferring to hit the snooze button instead of getting intimate with their partner.

So how much time do modern couples really have to spare for sex?


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Sexologist Nikki Goldstein believes that people who complain about not enough sex, or a low libido may not have enough energy.

"I wonder if there is anything wrong or if they are just struggling with balancing sex and sleep, not having enough energy to enjoy and be present for a good rendezvous." Nikki told news.com.au.

"Even if you are managing to get the mattress moving, could it be better if you felt more energetic and awake?

"In order to get that spark back, maybe it's just a matter of having sex at a different time of day, so you're not thinking 'let's just get this over with?'"

Here are Nikki's top five tips for spicing things up in the bedroom.


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1. Have nights set for just sleep

In order to not reject your partner, choose some nights of the week where sex is simply off the cards.

It may sound boring to some, but nights off can help rekindle the flame and ensure you both get a solid sleep ready for the next day.

2. Have sex at random times of the day

Is there a time that suits you both better than the morning or night?

If you do shift work or work from home, this could be the ideal opportunity to get busy.

3. Make times in the weekends for sex

Reducing the amount of sex you have during the week could increase enjoyment when you have more time to dedicate to the task in the weekends.

Perhaps plan a sleep in to make up for the busy days during the week.

4. Don't confuse bed time with sex time

Having sex just before you go to sleep may not be the best option due to lack of effort on both parts.

Goldstein believes "especially if you work and have children, sex before makeup is taken off, showers are had and teeth are brush is ideal.

"The kids might be in bed, you both have a little more energy and then the more traditional unwinding before bed activities can commence. It might not give you the most amount of time, but might give you a better mind frame to enjoy it with."

5. Set your alarm to go off earlier

Yes this does still cut into the amount of sleep you may get, but it could be a good option for those who feel more tired late at night.

Goldstein suggests, "if you are struggling a bit in the bedroom, consider if the time of day might be a factor that needs to be changed."

This article was first published on NZ Herald and is republished here with permission.