Kiwis share their shocking parenting confessions

Parenting isn't easy. In fact, most parents would be more inclined to agree with the statement: "Parenting is bloody hard work."

And just how hard - and, often, hilarious - has been revealed via responses to The Spinoff Parents Editor, Emily Writes, who put a call out asking mums and dads around the country to reveal their dirtiest little parenting secrets.

From walking around with poo on their forehead, to pretending their misbehaving child belongs to someone else, here are some of the best responses from New Zealand parents:

"I look at my baby and wonder. A face only a mother would love. I look at my husband and we both giggle and whisper to each other at the same time: 'So ugly'."

"I purposely suck up my daughter's Lego in the vacuum cleaner and I love it."

"I once spent an hour in public with poo on my forehead before someone told me."

"I have a favourite child. I try not to, and I don't think my other kids would ever know. But I really like my first born the most. He's the calmest and the quietest. I feel mean for thinking that but we have such a special bond and my other kid is such a massive pain in the ass."

"During a play date I caught my five-year-old and his friend playing with my vibrator - they were using it as a microphone. I grabbed it and hid it. I've never told anyone that."

"My child once pushed another child over at the park and the child's mother came over and I said it wasn't my child. It was so satisfying. She said "What a little sh*t" and I agreed, because he was being a little sh*t."

"This morning we sat our toddler on the floor, turned on cartoons and gave him a bowl filled with sweet and salty popcorn. Then we had sex."

"I sometimes answer my children by whispering 'Why don't you go and show Daddy that?'"

"I miss my old life so much it hurts. I miss everything about it. I really miss being selfish. Not just being able to watch TV whenever I want but also being spontaneous. I miss fancy dinners. My children are such f***wits in restaurants."

"On more than one occasion I have helped my son search the house for his chocolate that I ate."

"I tell my son the bath is closed at least once a week because I can't be f**ked. Same goes for parks and anything he wants to do that I don't really."

This article was first published on NZ Herald and is republished here with permission.