Caroline Cranshaw: What to do when you have feelings for someone who ISN'T your partner

A woman - who is already in a relationship - who is developing feelings for a co-worker reached out to Sarah, Sam and Toni’s resident relationship expert Caroline Cranshaw for help.

In her letter she wrote:

Dear Caroline, 

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 9 years and we just bought our first house together. I love him so much and seriously can’t see my future without him in it. However, lately he’s been really unmotivated, I have to do everything! It doesn’t occur to him to organise a date night, he can’t even be bothered coming to the park with me to walk our dog.

I love getting out and about and keeping life exciting so when he just lazes about it’s a massive turn off, and consequently, our sex life is suffering. I have spoken to him about it and he said he’ll try harder but I’ve yet to see much improvement, I’m hoping we’re just in a rut that will pass.

But here’s where I’m really struggling, I’m working closely with a new guy in the office and he’s super driven and passionate about his work and has a side business as well. He’s really inspiring in all the ways my boyfriend isn’t – and lately when he calls me I’ve been getting butterflies. We can talk for half an hour and spark off each other.

How can I turn these feelings off? I feel guilty and I don’t want to like him in that way, does this mean I don’t love my boyfriend? My head wants to get back on track with him but my heart is wandering.


Watch above to hear Caroline’s sage advice for this woman, and anyone one else who may be considering cheating on their partner.

Caroline Cranshaw is a hypnotherapist, founder and trainer at the New Zealand Integrative Hypnotherapy Training Institute and the author of The Smoking Cure. Find out more about her at Listen to Caroline's new podcast WTF Stories & Advice.